Thoughts of You, Baby #4 (May 22, 2013)

Sharing a letter I wrote to my fourth-born son, in honor of his due-date today.

My dear, dear child,

Tomorrow is a pretty big day for your daddy, your brothers, and me. It's the day we find out a big bit more about you, and that has mommy pretty excited!

For the last 5 years, we have prayed for you. Our hearts are bubbling over with joy and excitement that God has chosen to bless us with YOU! Your big brothers are so excited that you're on the way, too. You will surely be treasured and adored around our home! You are blessed to have them as your brothers. They are full of love, full of passion and zest for life, and full of joy! You're going to adore them! And you are blessed to have the daddy that you have... he will love you, give his heart to you, offer you his protection, play with you, take time to listen to you. And most importantly, He will point you to Jesus. And with the help of Jesus, hopefully all those acts of love will serve to pave the way for you to fall in love with your Forever Daddy-- your Forever King.

I am full of curiosity about who God is making you to be, my child. Tomorrow I'll know a piece of who you are--- whether you are a girl or a boy, and that makes me very excited! But there's so much more that I look forward to knowing about you. I know that not only will God use us as your parents to mold you and shape you, but He will also use you to teach us! He is building into you qualities, gifts, traits, and abilities--- a set that only you possess! You are unique, and before the foundation of the world, He had YOU in mind! Amongst my less-honorable habits is a seemingly endless propensity toward task-orientation. I am praying for you, that you would know from a young age the importance of quietude... that you'd be still before your Maker, that you'd breathe deeply His breath, and that you'd be characterized by pausing to reflect on His goodness. It's about abiding. Out of abiding in Him, you will bear much fruit.... fruit that will last...fruit of the Kingdom and for the Kingdom!

I can't wait to get to know you, sweet baby. You are a precious treasure from the Lord, and I am honored to be your Mommy!

With all the love I have and then some,

Mommy

Happy Two Month Birthday, Isaac

My beautiful Isaac,

Tears, tears, tears. Two months ago today, I held you for the first time. I so want to hold you today. Every day. Kiss your adorable little lips. Look into your beautiful blue eyes. Behold your smiles. Listen to your little baby sounds that I never got to hear. Hear your laughter. Your name-- it means laughter. That is part of your identity-- who you are; God gave us your name, and I can only imagine the laughter that will one day burst out of you! Yes, one day, we will laugh together. For eternity, we'll laugh. This short stint this side of heaven feels like an eternity right now, but one day, we'll really have eternity.

Your daddy. Your brothers. We all feel the void of your absence. I think it's our nature to want a way out of grief; it's no fun being sad. (That's an understatement!) Maybe that's human nature. Or maybe it's really that God made us for more. So much more than the “shadowed” life we live here, splattered with separation, sadness, sorrow.  Yet, there's always a cup half-full for every cup half-empty. (Yes, this takes intentionality. Discipline. To remember. To choose to SEE.) By God's grace, amidst the shadowed lands of the present, there are glimpses of the Kingdom all around us. Your three amazing brothers that daddy and I (with God's help!) are raising. Breath-taking creation all around us this fall. Trees in a million shades, rich with depth and texture. Signs of the Kingdom in  the rich ethnic diversity around us. The body of Christ functioning beautifully. Similar stories of God's overwhelming faithfulness to others who are living the same  storm in which we're living. These signs--- they give us hope. 

Tonight, we'll be remembering you. And we'll be defiantly worshipping the King, laughing, and enjoying the community of a few amazing friends as we remember God's faithfulness and nearness-- especially in the greatest storms of life.

Isaac Joseph, I love you.

You have marked us all, and we're closer to the King because of you.

Missing you today and always.

Love you to the moon and back,
Mommy

 "Yet this I call to mind and therefore I have hope: Because of the LORD'S great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail. They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness."  Lamentations 3:21-23